Wednesday, 30 August 2017
Go on put your hands up if you have kids. Yep - a few more at the back. And who feels guilty that they are secretly looking forward to them going back to school/nursery. I bet it is the majority. It is not that we don't love our kids cos of course we do it is just that intensity the constant "mum can I have ......." our reply of "yes in a minute" and their reply of "mum but I really need" our reply of "yes in a minute just give me a minute" but of course they don't understand "in a minute" and are suddenly desparate right this second - so you stop what you are doing for the thousandth time and get them the thing they have asked for wondering if you are ever going to be able to finish whatever you desparately need to be getting done - insert work project/blog/housework here. Then when they finally are occupied in something and you give yourself a pat on the back for finishing what it is that you have been needing done you look around at a literal bomb site. Eventually if you are lucky and the gods are on your side you manage to get your little helpers to help you tidy up the mess they have just made through cries of "but she made the mess so I am only tidying up this little bit" and your reply of "please just help tidy up we are all tidying here" or even an exasperated cry of "I know for sure I didn't make any of the mess and yet I am the one tidying up here!" Sound familiar? And then the other half comes back from work and the house is only just passable with the question of "mmmm what have you been doing all day and is my dinner ready?" or if you are very lucky maybe a "gosh you have clearly been hard at work looking after our kids, is there anything I can do to help? Would you like a nice drink? Would you like a sit down?" Then when we finally get our little angels to bed for what can be the tenth time and sit down for the first time all day we can often find ourselves snoozing in front of the tv wondering "what if?".
But what if it could be different, just imagine if our little angels respected our "in a minute" and really did leave us to do what we needed to do and what if they really did tidy up after themselves and as they went along and didn't argue about who tidies up but just get on and do it. And what if your partner really did understand all the hard work you have been doing and actually helps you out? Are these things too much out of our reality, is it really too much to ask? I don't think so and maybe reward charts can be used here to help persuade your little angels to be a little bit more patient. Maybe if we reward their patience we will get more of the same.
Maybe if we can learn to relax ourselves by enjoying a pampering session of Indian Head Massage, Reflexology, Swedish massage or even some deep breathing, visualisation techniques, meditations - there are loads around. By relaxing ourselves our children will be calmer and possibly less intense and more likely to be patient.
"Nooooooooooo I haven't got time for any of that" I hear you say but all it need take is 15 minutes or a few minutes here and there - deep relaxation techniques can even be done during breast feeding. Additionally baby massage can really help mum and baby relax and as the one mirrors the other this can be a very special quiet time for mum as much as for baby well needed in those precious early months. I always say to mums "you can't give from an empty cup" when you are worn out because of give, give, giving it is not just you who will suffer so you owe it to your family and more importantly you owe it to yourself to be kind to you to be your own super hero, your own cheerleader, your own knight in shining armour especially when we have kids to allow that special time for you.